I think your darkest days
Should have some light this year
I think you should stay right here
With your fire, with your soul
You shouldn't have to go
.

Shauna welcomed me to New York at eleven pm sunday with a pitcher of margaritas. It was a long night.

I spent a brilliant day in New York with Darling Dorothy. We wandered around the city and were generally directionless. Stopped here and there for bites, sips and browsing. Even though I've been back in the country for almost three weeks she was the first to make me feel like I was welcomed home. Like, "this is familiar. I remember being with you and this is how it's always felt."

We met up with John, then Maria, then Bill and together terrorized the streets, trying to break into closed buildings, seeing a movie about killer lesbians, screaming in the streets and laughing and laughing and laughing. It was absolute therapy.

I also got to see Karolyn, which I have been dreaming about for months. It was the best hug I've had in ages. She is as gorgeous, insightful and funny as ever and I wished I could spend the week with her!

Right now I'm helping Fritha move. We are making huge progress and it's a unique way to spend new year's eve. It is definitely making a transition.

Hope everyone is well.

no one knows that it's like
to be a dustbin
in shaftsbury
with hooligans

Gwill and I spent yesterday Christmas shopping all around NH. Well, I basically just nodded or groaned at his selections and was a bit of an assistant. On the drives we listened to Pink Floyd and Radiohead (during a brief radio interlude Gwill even tolerated my Justin Timberlake indulgence with gentlemanly grace) and talked about families, travelling, the morphic field and synchronicity. Even though there are new developments all around the area things here are familiar in a way no other land will be. That's what I like to escape from, I think. But there is something comfortable about knowing the next bend in the road.

There's nothing for you here
Where the guests like souvenirs
They play with you till you're all worn out.

We drove down to Brighton today. Pranced around town like hysterical reindeer and dodged shoppers and double decker buses. Then we drove to the sea and all alongside the misted coast, green grass crunched down to grey, the ivory cliffs, the wind-twisted trees. We stopped so Kip and Paul could fly their kites. Now, I'm not talking about any Mary-Poppins-kite-flying here. These are no paper bags on the end of a string. These are more like hang gliders that lift you off the ground when a gust grabs them, drag you across the grass, wrench your wrists. Of course this was all a spectator's view and mostly from the car as it was bloody freezing! Let me say, these two are hard core kite flyers. Don't laugh.

I won't be writing from Iceland, for which I depart on the morrow. I am anticipating that it will be too bloody expensive and that I will be consumed with the beauty of the viking city. So the next time you hear from me I will be at home. Or rather, New England, as it feels there is no home for me. I have a collection of familiar spaces and faces to return to, but not a home. We'll have to work on that.

It's been indescribable this past year. Thanks to everyone who made it better than it could have been whether from thousands of miles away or only inches. Let's catch up.

we both deserve to be happy, he said turning the cigarette in his fingers

gwill, the heavenly boy that he is, was there to meet me at heathrow airport. through a herculean effort we managed to haul my massive collection of things to his flat in nw london, where he generously let me have his comfy bed all to myself. what a change from my windowless, worn room in bangkok.

i spent almost a week in london, around the museums, landmarks and streets undergoing a hostile takeover by father christmas. i also saw eight movies in the span of three days. it was raining a lot. i did manage to get down to st. katherine's dock, where my dad lived for awhile and where we visited him on one of our trips. ah nostalgia. then i was stopped for directions by a frenchman at the tower, who tried to take me for coffee. when i tried to back out of it, using the useless excuse "i don't drink coffee" he chimed in with "then i'll take you to dinner". it took the better part of an hour to escape.

i left gwill yesterday and headed south. paul and kip picked me up at gatwick. last night we saw lord of the rings (the first one) and waited through the entire end credits hoping for a return of the king trailer. but there wasn't one! harsh.

i have a raging cold/flu-like illness, which needs to leave my body promptly.